Sunday, November 16, 2003

The Story of Mike - Installment 9

I have no business being on here this morning. I have so much to do. Starting off with heading over to CSUN for my third day in a row! After that, I need to run to the cleaners and to the store. Come home and somehow write a paper on group communications and study for my mid-term that I have on Tuesday. Oh -- and I'm suppose to have my (drum-roll, please) 2nd date with Mr. Coffee. But, here I sit with my morning coffee and cig flitting around the halls of journaldom. I must be addicted.

I feel a twinge of guilt not to post something so I'll continue with a little bit more of my letter to Mike:

"I've walked into this situation with my eyes wide open. I believe I even asked you if they were sending you out here to ship you off, and you assured me that that wasn't a possibility. Of course, when you began talking about maybe you would be going, I knew in my heart that you were. I didn't pull back then and I won't now. But, I also keep a realistic view of the whole situation."

"The irony in the matter is that you being gone isn't what scares me. It's the fact that you are going through a divorce and your life is changing, that once the dust settles and you come out on the other side there won't be a place for me. Because of that I hold back from allowing my feelings to fly free. I also realize that we have spent so little time together and haven't really gotten to know very much about each other. We could end up not being compatible. Or, because of the way you feel about Jeanne that you'll never be able to return feelings for me. That's why I brought up the whole --we should date other people-- talk. It enables me to keep distance and perspective and not get wrapped up in you. Those are the things I'm afraid of. Maybe sometime we could share the list of our favorite things. ;-) Sorry, I'm tired. My jokes get corny. Opening up and telling you whatI'm thinking is pretty scary too, I must say. I don't want to hurt you and I don't want to be hurt. Vulnerability is not an easy thing to achieve."

No comments: