I haven't been thinking of Mike much anymore. I've begun getting past the hurt of it all, that's why my entries about him aren't as frequent. I do want to finish. It will help me to understand the type of guys I attract and why.
I hate divulging things that are personal and lately I've been getting traffic around here. It's hard for me but that's what this journal was intended to be. If it gets a little weird around here ~ it's okay if you don't read an entry. Come back another day I'm sure I'll have something funny to say.
To contine an email I sent to Mike:
"I appreciate your vulnerability in telling me what your thinking. Your message sounded angry or upset. To create those emotions in you wasn't my intention in the proposition." I had wanted to get together that weekend and Mike kept coming up with excuses. I felt like he was pushing me away. "It was meant to be light-hearted and hopefully seduce you into getting together for some fun. Nothing intense or serious, just a little fun. But, more than anything I was hoping you would laugh a little at what I wrote. Getting together to me meant having a casual sexcapade. You are one hell of a lover, the best, and I've enjoyed immensly the times we've been together. I assumed that it would mean the same thing for you." -- Okay so I'm a little trollop. I don't have to be "in love" to enjoy sex and it can be just for fun. But, I am choosy -- It had been several years for me prior to Mike. And, there hasn't been anyone since.
"But, I understand you wanting to protect yourself from any kind of hurt or involvement. You need to be focused while you are gone. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going to face. My hope is that everything will settle and we won't go to war. Even still being over there without a war is not an easy mission. You've got to watch your back and be on guard over there no matter what the state of affairs are, because of the region you will be in. Whatever you have to do to be prepared and ready, I understand."
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