Friday, July 29, 2005

A bit of this and that.

Ever since season two I've been a huge Big Brother fan. However, this year I took my fanaticism a step further. I subscribed to the live feeds this year and I've been keeping up with some of the stuff on the website. One of the things that they have on there is a "Freeze Frame" where you submit a caption for a picture that is posted there. I was tickled yesterday when I saw my caption had been one that was picked for last week's picture. I think I'd like to see Janelle and Kaysar make it to the final two but I haven't really quite decided on that yet. What I do know is I don't want Yvette or April to get it. April is a flip-flopper and Yvette just gets on my nerves. I was glad to see Cappy leave last night. He was too bossy for my taste, but I think having him there stirred things up in the house which now it will probably seem a bit boring. However, with every eviction last year, I thought the same thing and with every week it only got better and better. So, we'll see.

I was really saddened to find out that another journaler is having serious health issues. I found her journal at the end of the Big Brother season last year so I had never commented. I went looking for it this year when the season started and was surprised to find that she wasn't posting. Much to my horror, I stumbled upon entries by another journaler revealing what had occurred and her husband has since posted a message on the BB journal she kept. Along with what Pam is fighting, it has really given me some deep issues to chew on.

I've never been afraid of death. At the lowest points in my life, I even wished it would come steal me from this world. But, I don't have those feelings anymore. I have a lot of life left in me and hope for a long one. There's still so much I hope and dream to do. I want to experience and take from this life as much as I possibly can. However, it's not just the length of life that I need to accomplish all that I hope for but also the quality of life. As I get older, I don't mind the changes that come with age so long as I am the best that I can be at that age. But, I haven't really been living up to that belief. I don't take care of my health like I should. I smoke. I don't get regular exercise and I waffle up and down in my weight. I ignore my needs and don't take care of myself.

Over the last couple of weeks, I've been giving it some serious thought. One of the decisions that I have made is to quit smoking. Part of me really doesn't want to do it. I'm scared and mourning the loss already as I prepare for my quit date which is August 12th. But, I'm fighting those feelings and plowing forward with my decision. I went to the doctor yesterday to talk to her about it. I got a prescription for Wellbutrin and I'll go tomorrow to get some Nicotine Patches.

I've added it to my list of goals on 43Things and will be posting my progress on there. Pam mentioned in her entries a website called Quitnet. I've signed up on there as well. I've quit before but hopefully this time I will quit for good. Misery loves company so if anyone wants to join me in taking control of your life by quitting a bad habit, whether it's smoking or some other monkey on your back, let me know.

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