The photos are recent shots that I took of the trees surrounding my apartment and proof that fall does exist in sunny Los Angeles. However, it occurs in its own time frame. I don't think these trees realize that Christmas is merely five days away. The trees up the street have no leaves. I think the memo missed my place though. I am in no way ready for Christmas either. I still have some shopping to do and I haven't sent out any cards yet. I say "yet" because I am still holding out hope that I can get them done before I hop on the plane to Texas this Thursday.
My back is feeling better this morning. Yeah! My face is a bit blotchy but doesn't burn. Yeah! And, my hair? Well, I'll know better how I like it once I'm able to wash it on Wednesday but so far I think I like it. Yeah! It's going to be a great week. So, I hope. It's going to be awful busy though. But, it's good. I like busy. I may sing a different tune after today though. I have a ton of stuff to do at work and here at home. I keep trying to make a mental list and stop myself so I don't feel overwhelmed by it all.
The time away from my computer has been really good for me. A learning process. It has helped me to see just how much I've allowed the journaling thing to consume my time. Yet, I look at the last several months and I have made half the entries that I made the same time last year. In doing so, I realized I let everything get out of whack. When I began my journal, I did it as a replacement to a paper journal. It's meant to be a record of my life and a place to be creative. But, I've gotten away from that. Yet, it's consuming my time. But, it hasn't been my journal as much as my obsessive need to read everyone else's entries. I have had it in my mind that I need to read every single entry that someone writes and leave comments on them all. My list of journals has grown too long to realistically achieve that but as my list grew, I just kept reorganizing things to try and accomplish that. If someone pimped someone I wouldn't even follow the link because the thought of having yet another journal to read overwhelmed me. I felt like I had too many journals to read as it was and it wouldn't be fair to add another. I began feeling resentful of those who found the time to make multiple entries in one day or frustrated at those who had more than one journal. Were they expecting me to visit them all? I felt guilty for getting behind on journals and not visiting some for such long periods of time. I became concerned with how interesting my entries were to others and not the opportunity to express myself that I had originally intended my journal to be. I realized that my apartment is in a constant state of disarray, that I haven't hiked or taken my bike for a ride at all this past year. I haven't done any of my arts and crafts, or sewed, or even finished painting my desk. I became more concerned with how many hits my counter had in a day then how many friends and family members I was able to connect with through phone calls and emails.
Since I couldn't sit at my computer for extended periods of time, I began doing other things like organizing my closets and my art supplies. I began getting excited about all things artsy. I mean really excited. It feels good to be getting things organized and in their place. It feels good to be doing other things. That's when I realized I had allowed things to get out of balance. I need to let it go. I decided to delete my counter from my journal. I've been thinking about it for a while now but didn't want to do it because it has the start date of the journal. But then I realized since I've created links for my archives, the date thingy doesn't really matter. I've decided that I don't really need to read every single entry that someone writes. After all, I don't expect people to read every single one of mine. I decided it's time to bring balance back in my life. I should have known better. It's my nature to take things to the extreme, to become obsessive. I think this is the first time though that I really saw that it is my nature. But, that's a good thing. Because seeing a problem is half the battle.
I think the theme for me in the coming year will be "Balance." As I was going through things, I came across the book, "Simple Abundance" by Sarah Ban Brethnach. I read it back in 1997. It was really inspirational and helpful back then. I'm thinking of reading it this year again and using it as a springboard for some of my journaling. In my craziness, I actually thought of creating a separate journal just for those entries because I didn't want to limit my writing to just those. But, I stopped myself because it's my journal to do with as I please and another journal would just mean another thing to pull at my time. :::::deep breath:::::: Balance will come.