I have a confession to make. I am not a writer. Really, Im not. I hate writing. I equate writing with childbirth. Mind you, I have never been pregnant. But, Ive been around pregnant women. Ive seen women in labor. And, Ive witnessed two births. If I am required to write something for school, or work even, I collect the information mostly in my head. I jam it in there until it feels like I will explode by entering another morsel of thought. You know, kind of like growing a baby inside the womb. It grows and grows until the mothers stomach is so tight it looks like she might burst at any minute. Then the labor starts.
For the most part, I dont use outlines. I feel like they stifle me. I might use them for a test where there are specific points that I must touch upon in order to earn the full credit. But, in other areas, such as term papers and what have you, I dont use outlines. I stare at the paper, or computer screen, and begin to type. Maybe a line or two, and then I walk away. I come back erase what I have written and go at it again. The clock ticks and I stress about the deadline looming near. Yet, like a baby, it will not come out until it is ready and in due time. So, I fight it. I stress and I struggle to get anything down. I start to write a sentence and it doesnt seem quite right. Owwww! That felt like a labor pain. But, something gives a little and a line or two makes its way onto the page. And then another line and another and the words begin to flow, until finally, the baby is born.
But, I tell you I am not a writer! I hate writing. I am a journaller! Huh? How can that be? Is there a difference? Most certainly! When I journal its free flowing. Its whatever is on my mind. Its chewing cud, mind cud. Thoughts that have rumbled around in my head that somehow work their way onto the page. That is me a journaller. As soon as it becomes a chore, or a task, I become a writer. And, I hate to write. But, journaling I love. Its how I decipher those rumbles and finally put them to rest. I began making a list of ideas to write about here because things would come to me when I was away from my keyboard. I have yet to go back to that list and write because those things have now become a chore. But, I will try. I will try tomorrow to finally take a bite out of that list. But, in between I need to journal because that is me and this is Robbies Ruminations.