I'm going to expose my soft underbelly for a second. It's not easy to say. Gosh, I really hate to admit it but on days like today, I absolutely hate the fact that I am single. Yup! Independent woman of power turns to mush as soon as things turn crappy. I absolutely hate dealing with car problems and making major financial decisions. The wimp in me surfaces and I become an emotional wreck.
I was doing pretty good. Thought I was handling things. I came home took a nap even. I planned on waking up and studying. First, I thought I'd check some journals. I checked in here to see if I had any comments. That's when I saw Gordy's comment about my car and I totally lost it! I freaked. I melted into a pile of worthless, know-nothing crap. I surfed some car prices and thought about worst case scenarios regarding my car and just had a stressful lump in my stomach and cloud in my head. Study? Forget about it!
I finally called my brother. Him and I talked for a bit. He reassured me that my car should be okay and what I should do. He suggested if I can that I shouldn't wait and go ahead and buy a car now. I'd really like to wait a couple of months but I'll go this weekend and start looking.
I don't know why I think having a man in my life would make this situation any better but for some reason, having someone immediate to turn to just has some kind of safe feeling about it. Trust me, I'm not helpless. I've been on my own since I was 17 and have managed to support myself and survive just fine. So why is it when something like this happens, I wish there was someone else here to share the burden? Someone to turn to. It's not that I don't have people to turn to even. After all, everyone's support here is so very comforting and I have friends in the real world too. I even have my brother who I can call but for some reason it just doesn't feel the same. I feel like everything rests on my shoulders and I hate it. And, I hate feeling this way because it's not how a strong woman of the world should be. I bet guys don't feel this way!
Well, needless to say, I am glad this day is over! Oh and I'm grateful for Kevin! He picked me up and took me to school. He also took me to pick up my car afterwards and followed me home to make sure I didn't have any problems. So, I'm bummed but very grateful for those I can count on and turn to but I'm still bummed and the knot in my stomach is still here.