Sunday, February 22, 2004

Clique Click Clackety Clack

First, I'd like to apologize to anyone that I might offend by writing this entry. I am grateful for all the people I have met who read my journal and I in turn theres. I am honored that you take time out of your life for me. It's not something I take for granted, nor do I want you to feel obligated to comment here, or even read.

Andrea has posed a question in her journal today asking if people felt there were cliques here in J-Land. I know where this is coming from and chose not to comment there regarding it in either of the journals as I didn't want to negate the feelings the journalers were expressing. In my opinion that's what journals are for, to get out what's deep inside, whether it's right - wrong, cheery, ugly or whatever. It's your space in cyber-land to do with as you see fit.

However, I will admit here, since this is my own personal space, that it erks the hell out of me that it's brought up at all. It's not the first time I've seen the green-eyed monster raise it's ugly head and even use the C-word around j-land. And, each time I feel the same sense of ire boil in my soul. I've tried to evaluate why it evokes this emotion in me because I can sympathize to the feelings of being left out or not included into something you so want to be a part of.

I moved so much growing up that I was always trying to fit in. But, after a while I learned that I needed to quit trying to fit in and just be me. If I tried to be like others there would be still others that I wasn't fitting in with. If I just tried to be me I would attract people who liked me for who I was and not for what or whom I had around me. As such, I was fortunate to develop friendships that crossed all boundaries of cliques. In high school, I hung out with the preps, the jocks, the nerds, the surfers, etc. etc. And, as an adult my range of friends are much the same. I am so very grateful for the friendships I have. They cross so many boundaries and I wouldn't be who I am today without the exposure to such a diverse group of people. Does that mean I don't belong to a clique? Not necessarily so. Unfortunately, there is just not enough of me to go around and be friends with every single person I come in contact with. Mind you, if I could, I would. I love people. I love getting to know people and what makes them unique in this world.

Clique is an ugly word used to accuse and evoke a certain kind of response from people, much the same as labeling a religious sect a cult. It's a trigger word that evokes a negative emotion. But in it's truest form there is nothing wrong with it. It is human nature to group towards people whom we desire to attract in our lives. So why does the use of the word offend me so? Because it's a victim word and a finger pointing word.  It's a word that is so easily used but takes no responsibility. And, that's what it all comes down to. When you point your finger at something, or someone, and label it in any way, there are always three fingers pointing back at you.

So, instead of pointing your finger outward, look at the three pointing at yourself and figure out what you can do to change the way you feel. Maybe it's as simple as writing about it in your journal and getting the negative emotions out or maybe there are some positive actions that need to be taken. Ask yourself some questions and act on those answers. What group are you feeling left out of? Have you reached out to anyone and tried to be friends? What about those that you have ignored who have reached out to you? Not everyone will be responsive but don't take it personally. Maybe their life is full at the moment and they've got all they can handle.

We all have our own personal motivation for writing these things for all the world to see. Here is what I wrote in my first entry: "I've kept personal journals for years but never would have shared my thoughts with the world.  I doubt my delirious musings will attrack much attention so I guess that's why I feel safe to post them here. And, if they do attrack some attention, it could prove interesting."  I simply write to express what's inside of me. That's my motivation. Sometimes it's deep, sometimes it's emotional, sometimes it's silly and sometimes it's political, or religious, or what ever is on my mind. But, I write to write for me. If it speaks to someone and they want to comment, I count my blessings that I've touched someone's life.  And, I'll admit it's ego-boosting to get 20 comments on one entry.

Like I told a journaler, if you write about being a HO, they will come. Yet, there are other entries that I thought were much more comment invoking that received little or no comments. Such is life! So be it! Will I now only write about being a Ho in order to solicit comments? No! That's not MY motivation for writing.

However, there are those that feel it's important to receive comments. Maybe they are writers at heart, or their egos need the daily boost. I judge not. But, what I do recommend is follow the lead of Bridgette.  She came on the scene around the same time as me and if you go to her place she is loaded with comments. Why? Because when she came around she hit all the journals. But, she didn't just solicit for readers, she left meaningful, heartfelt comments.  And, she hasn't stopped commenting.  She still makes all the rounds.  How she does it, I am left to wonder. I think Parker is doing some reading for her and commenting on her behalf. ;-)

If you're a budding writer and want exposure, develope a readership. Write what attracts people. But, be outwardly focused. If it's all about you, and what people can do for you. It probably won't work. There's a saying, "Ask and you shall receive." I'd like to modify it to "Give and You Shall Receive."  If anyone gets mad, I blame Andrea. She asked. So, I answered. I'll step down off my soap box now and go back to writing about being a Ho. ;-)


andreakingme said...

Blame Andrea!? That's it, Robbie. No soup for you, young lady!

But really, great insights on the clique issue. The best (and only) way to blow it out of the water IS to be outwardly focused. ::Nods head vigorously::

I was surprised myself to read that a few people thought there were cliques--like I've had my head up in the clouds all this time and someone just yanked me down to earth by the ankles. ::ooph::

rinakatay21 said...

Hmmm...I see your point...but I don't know that I whole-heartedly agree. I certainly think there's a group of people here that run the show...or think they do at least. And I *have* talked to them...and were friends with them...and then...I dunno..they disappear and never talk to me again. That's fine. But I won't stick up for them or defend their behavior.

nikki247 said...

I just thought I would stop by to read your comments...I wrote a little in my journal about the whole clique thing, but that was what I had to say...and I respect what you have to say totally as I would anyone else -- after all this is journals -- that is what they are there for.

lisbnjvi said...

I didn't even know the "c" word existed in J-Land! I just find people's journals that I find relate to my life in some way. I find interesting journals that I find worth reading. I guess I am like you in J-Land, I like to read all different sorts of journals and would NEVER solicit anyone to come to my journal! I also never judge myself on how many comments I received. I can't believe there are people that do that!
Hugs and love, Lisa

karensull12 said...

I wrote in Andrea's journal that I felt that there were "journal snobs" out there. I describe a journal snob as someone who doesn't ever bother coming to visit or comment on your journal no matter how many times you've visited/commented on theirs. I admit to wondering why, after leaving many comments on a persons journal, they never comment on mine. I actually have bigger problems to ponder than this, and I don't lose any sleep over any of it.

freeepeace said...

Robbie - Great entries. Great insight. I agree - write for you! That's what I do. I have many great new friends in J-Land... Some I know better than others. And I'm grateful for all. Perhaps I'm part of a clique [there are many I'm NOT part of] but anyone is welcome to comment in my journal. And if a link is left, I'll check it out. It's always great to find others who are willing to express themselves. As for choosing friends - I am who I am. Like it or not. I go where the love is!

dazeychic said...

Its not about the number of comments I, or anyone else recieve either...its about acceptance. So goes life. Journals are about feelings...the two subjects were bound to come together sometime! ~Shells

dazeychic said...

First time at your journal and Im super happy to see you voice your opinion..though i dont agree. But thats OK! I FEEL Like I can comment...and thats the point!
Im a little insulted at the fact that You call it a "green-eyed-monster" when it has nothing to do with envy of any kind. But see it as you will. Im not here to change your mind! Im just happy to see you respond!
Continues below..

slowmotionlife said...

I find that when I LIVE inside AOL-J [writing consistant entries and commenting in as many journals as possible, EVERY day], my own comments go up. But this is exhausting. It works.. but it's not always worth it. I honestly believe that if you write about your life, include interesting photographs and graphics, and present your life in a geniune way, people will take notice. And you do just that, Robbie! :)

turk1028 said...

Well, hi! I've only been in J-Land for a few months, but I have to say, I don't think it's outrageous to postulate that cliques might exist here, as everywhere; it's human nature to gravitate toward like-minded people; those to whom one can most easily relate. But I also find a balancing sense of democracy in what appear to be very loose knit groupings~a general willingness to reach out & dialogue with anyone who is open to it. After all, the journals are about nothing if not communication..:)

txsguinan said...

OOPS! Speaking of communication, I don't seem to be very good at it. "Turk" is the Hubs~I forgot I just took over his screen name after he got up. And to think I came by to thank you for stopping by my place! Sorry! sheesh.... :P

micheleandres said...

Hey Rob - I've been gone for a while and really missed reading your journal. I need to get caught up here (soon). But I wanted to say how much I've enjoyed what you're saying here and I so agree. To me it's like friendships. Some people have lots and lots and others have one or two very close ones - and we're each blessed all the same. Relationships are so precious and need cultivation. We get back what we give out.

bridgetteleigh75 said...

Aww..Robbie. Thanks for pointing out to the whole world that Parker's doing all my journal reading and commenting on my behalf! LOL It was supposed to be A SECRET!!!! =)

Seriously, I think this is very heartfelt and honest. If anybody could say exactly what I was's you. I don't really understand this clique thing at all. Journaling to me is therapeutic. It's my time for me! And I just feel fortunate that along the way....I've met some truly lovely people. BONUS! lol

Love you!

musenla said...

I didn't even realize there was a "clicque" on AOL-J. But then again, perception isn't the territory. Just because one thinks there is a clique doesn't mean there really is one! And even if there was one, really, does it matter? We are all mature adults, and I say clicques are for junior high. =D

krobbie67 said...

You are right on the money with the definition and the bad rap of the word 'clique' - totally agree. victim word. finger-pointing. take responsibility, etc. All of it. [reading on]
Comment from freeepeace - 2/22/04 9:03 PM

krobbie67 said...

I agree with you & yet again, you're in the vanguard with posting topics that are soulfelt, important & unique. I'm sure many J'ers have thought about this, but perhaps not enough. I blog for my own sake, but admit I want the recognition. Like 'Bridgette'? I've visited & read other Js, left my address and gotten readers that way. I prefer to see new/outside people come and gaining exposure is hard work. This is a deep subject & has me asking myself "why do I we it?" :) Holly
Comment from quroboros - 2/23/04 6:19 AM

krobbie67 said...

Oooh Robbie - this is exciting. I saw the question posed in Andrea's journal as well. I didn't realize it was coming from other sources...till I found some time to do some journal-hopping today. I say this is exciting because so far, you are voicing MY opinion on this topic. Cliques, friends, groups, families, communities, tribes, etc - exist everywhere! We GET to choose our friends. We GET to be exclusive or inclusive. [emotions are stirred!] reading on...
Comment from freeepeace - 2/22/04 8:57 PM

krobbie67 said...

Agreed.. one could feel guilty about visiting the same journals over and over again. But the truth is we're all just HUMAN. There's only so much time in the day and only so many journals we can possibly visit. Like real life, journalers are naturally going to make friends in AOL-J. It's not malicious. ::sigh::
Comment from slowmotionlife - 2/23/04 12:33 PM

krobbie67 said...

I know what your saying with this. I, like you, went to the many of many schools in my life. Trying to fit in and make new friends was a non stop thing for me. Never hard, because I am myself. I have never tried being like anyone, but me. And you know what, I never went without a real good friend.
The whole thing with cliques pisses me off and Ill tell you why. I never really came across this until I moved here to Memphis back in 92, the end of my 10th grade year. It was here that I discovered that certain people stick with their own and really dont like others, especially people not from around here, to join their crowd. Never had I experienced this in San Diego, where everyone hungout together.
My thing is this, if you dont like me for me, then I dont need to be apart of you and your cheesy ass friends. I dont discriminate and enjoy being around anyone who likes a good laugh and is open and honest.
I have come across a journal or two here journal land where people acted too good for my comments and my journal. To those people out there I say Fuck 'Em. Fuck them and their boring ass journals. Fuck them and the people who feel the need to suck their ass with their kiss ass comments everyday. They can have each other because my life isn't that low where I need these people in my life.
Im sorry for being vulgar, but this is me.
Robbie, you are a great person and you have plenty of friends here in Journal Land, including I. The hell with those who shut others out who arent like them. We dont need them girlfriend.
Comment from metski715 - 2/22/04 12:28 PM

krobbie67 said...

I so feel what you are saying her my friend. I too, while not having to move to different schools, did not "belong" to any one group while in school. I knew all
the secrets and respected and kept them quiet. I think you know and understand
that about me already, :) I guess there some journals that I am going to read
on a regular basis, simply because I enjoy the subjects and the person writing, but
I also try to broaden my horizons on occasion. Love, P.
Comment from lucylouladybug - 2/22/04 1:12 PM

krobbie67 said...

PS. and BTW, you know how grateful I am to have you in my life!
And you are a wonderful friend!
Comment from lucylouladybug - 2/22/04 1:14 PM

krobbie67 said...

Robbie, I write because it pleases me, and it doesn't bother me if anyone reads or comments, but it's always nice when they do. I've always disliked cliques just because someone has something interesting to say, or just writes what other people want to read, it's not why journals were created. There are people that I have commented in their journals time and time again, and they never visit but it doesn't worry me, because I enjoy what I write. Great four part entry, well said!!

Comment from starlitemaker - 2/22/04 2:36 PM

krobbie67 said...

Hey, how did Chris get to leave such a long-ass comment down there?! hehe

Great entries Robbie...I commented there but wanted to cheer you on up here too. We should meet for tea one day. Are you ever on the westside? :)
Comment from freeepeace - 2/22/04 9:24 PM

krobbie67 said...

Thanks for stopping by my journal. If it wasn't so late, I'd read more tonight. Tomorrow is another day. : )
Comment from readmereadyou - 2/22/04 9:33 PM