First, I'd like to apologize to anyone that I might offend by writing this entry. I am grateful for all the people I have met who read my journal and I in turn theres. I am honored that you take time out of your life for me. It's not something I take for granted, nor do I want you to feel obligated to comment here, or even read.
Andrea has posed a question in her journal today asking if people felt there were cliques here in J-Land. I know where this is coming from and chose not to comment there regarding it in either of the journals as I didn't want to negate the feelings the journalers were expressing. In my opinion that's what journals are for, to get out what's deep inside, whether it's right - wrong, cheery, ugly or whatever. It's your space in cyber-land to do with as you see fit.
However, I will admit here, since this is my own personal space, that it erks the hell out of me that it's brought up at all. It's not the first time I've seen the green-eyed monster raise it's ugly head and even use the C-word around j-land. And, each time I feel the same sense of ire boil in my soul. I've tried to evaluate why it evokes this emotion in me because I can sympathize to the feelings of being left out or not included into something you so want to be a part of.
I moved so much growing up that I was always trying to fit in. But, after a while I learned that I needed to quit trying to fit in and just be me. If I tried to be like others there would be still others that I wasn't fitting in with. If I just tried to be me I would attract people who liked me for who I was and not for what or whom I had around me. As such, I was fortunate to develop friendships that crossed all boundaries of cliques. In high school, I hung out with the preps, the jocks, the nerds, the surfers, etc. etc. And, as an adult my range of friends are much the same. I am so very grateful for the friendships I have. They cross so many boundaries and I wouldn't be who I am today without the exposure to such a diverse group of people. Does that mean I don't belong to a clique? Not necessarily so. Unfortunately, there is just not enough of me to go around and be friends with every single person I come in contact with. Mind you, if I could, I would. I love people. I love getting to know people and what makes them unique in this world.
Clique is an ugly word used to accuse and evoke a certain kind of response from people, much the same as labeling a religious sect a cult. It's a trigger word that evokes a negative emotion. But in it's truest form there is nothing wrong with it. It is human nature to group towards people whom we desire to attract in our lives. So why does the use of the word offend me so? Because it's a victim word and a finger pointing word. It's a word that is so easily used but takes no responsibility. And, that's what it all comes down to. When you point your finger at something, or someone, and label it in any way, there are always three fingers pointing back at you.
So, instead of pointing your finger outward, look at the three pointing at yourself and figure out what you can do to change the way you feel. Maybe it's as simple as writing about it in your journal and getting the negative emotions out or maybe there are some positive actions that need to be taken. Ask yourself some questions and act on those answers. What group are you feeling left out of? Have you reached out to anyone and tried to be friends? What about those that you have ignored who have reached out to you? Not everyone will be responsive but don't take it personally. Maybe their life is full at the moment and they've got all they can handle.
We all have our own personal motivation for writing these things for all the world to see. Here is what I wrote in my first entry: "I've kept personal journals for years but never would have shared my thoughts with the world. I doubt my delirious musings will attrack much attention so I guess that's why I feel safe to post them here. And, if they do attrack some attention, it could prove interesting." I simply write to express what's inside of me. That's my motivation. Sometimes it's deep, sometimes it's emotional, sometimes it's silly and sometimes it's political, or religious, or what ever is on my mind. But, I write to write for me. If it speaks to someone and they want to comment, I count my blessings that I've touched someone's life. And, I'll admit it's ego-boosting to get 20 comments on one entry.
Like I told a journaler, if you write about being a HO, they will come. Yet, there are other entries that I thought were much more comment invoking that received little or no comments. Such is life! So be it! Will I now only write about being a Ho in order to solicit comments? No! That's not MY motivation for writing.
However, there are those that feel it's important to receive comments. Maybe they are writers at heart, or their egos need the daily boost. I judge not. But, what I do recommend is follow the lead of Bridgette. She came on the scene around the same time as me and if you go to her place she is loaded with comments. Why? Because when she came around she hit all the journals. But, she didn't just solicit for readers, she left meaningful, heartfelt comments. And, she hasn't stopped commenting. She still makes all the rounds. How she does it, I am left to wonder. I think Parker is doing some reading for her and commenting on her behalf. ;-)
If you're a budding writer and want exposure, develope a readership. Write what attracts people. But, be outwardly focused. If it's all about you, and what people can do for you. It probably won't work. There's a saying, "Ask and you shall receive." I'd like to modify it to "Give and You Shall Receive." If anyone gets mad, I blame Andrea. She asked. So, I answered. I'll step down off my soap box now and go back to writing about being a Ho. ;-)