Sunday, January 04, 2004

Signs, Signs Everywhere

Have you ever driven in a new place and there's signs coming at you everywhere. You feel overwhelmed by all of them.   You don't know which ones to pay attention to which ones to ignore. That's how I feel today. All these emotions flowing inside me and I can't quite digest any of them. Forget making sense of them. 

Years ago I was in therapy. My therapist helped me to see that I was completely out of touch with my emotions. It took me a week, a month, maybe even longer, to realize something angered me, or saddened me, or whatever emotion was lurking deep inside me.   I think it was because I had learned to hide my feelings and to put a smile on for the world.  I find myself doing that here sometimes now too. It also didn't help that for years, I swallowed all those emotions with a drink and whatever party paraphernalia was available at the time.  Self-medication, is the label my therapist gave it. 

I don't "self-medicate" anymore.  I don't even use prescribed medications anymore. It still takes time for me to sift through it all, but the spanse of time has grown smaller. The signs have grown clearer. However, days like today, the signs seem a little blurred and overwhelming. Is this the sign called melancholy?

I'll figure it out. Just bare with me. It's one of the reasons I like to journal to get all the ruminations in my mind down on paper so I can make sense of all these signs. 


bridgetteleigh75 said...

Glad you made it home safe and sound! Welcome home!


micheleandres said...

I wonder if it's all just part of the natural let down after the holidays? I know that's some of what I'm going through.
"It's one of the reasons I journal..." Sometimes the only way I know how and why I feel like I do is when I write it out.
Never forget - You Are Loved!

starlitemaker said...

Just know we are here for you and care :)

freeepeace said...

Beautiful entry Robbie. Perfectly timed. I can relate on many levels. Thank you for allowing yourself to be so candid here. This is the reason I journal... to hash it all out. I spent years self-medicating too. Didn't even know it. Took time to learn about my own emotions. And I completely relate to the "spanse of time" you talk of. We're here. I'm here. Keep writing! This is the stuff life's made of! ~peace~

slowmotionlife said...

Writing might help you sort it all out. Whatever it is, I pray it passes quickly for you. ::smile::

musenla said...

Robbie, we all go through episodes like this. My problem is opposite yours, I feel too much and let it run me. But it's good to get in touch with your feelings; recognize them for what they are, no more and no less.