It can't be done. I tried. I did much editing, took out as many filler words as possible, and this was still a two-parter. AOL is asking for suggestions. Please suggest to them to expand the word limit in journals. I have. Maybe, if enough people suggest the same thing, they'll do something about it. The sooner, the better. (This entry was originally a two-parter that was later combined once the word limit was expanded.)
I'm PMSing. Sad to say but this is the number one reason I am in a funk. I don't know exactly at what age my body started hating me but I joined the illustrious ranks of other women out there who are hormonally challenged on a monthly basis. Some months are worse then others and followed by horrible cramping, then there are the months where it barely phases me. I wasn't always like this. It seems with age it has become progressively worse. I could stay on anti-depressants to rectify the mood swings but I don't trust taking chemicals for extended periods of time unless absolutely medically necessary. In addition, just being able to label it has helped even if it takes a day or two for me to label the culprit. The hormonal shift magnifies my moods but I'd rather deal with them then the side-effects of drugs.
I decided to reflect on the events of last year. On a daily basis, if you asked me what was going on in my life, I would tell you, not much. I just work and go to school. However, looking at the year as a whole, I realize so much more has occurred. Many wonderful things have occurred, but it is my nature to be more impacted by the disappointments. As such, I mourn them all over again.
Its hard for me to say goodbye. Even though I was looking forward to getting back home to Los Angeles, which in itself is a first for me, it is hard for me to say goodbye to friends and family. I miss the people I love terribly and wish they could be part of my life on a daily basis.
I miss a friend of mine who died. As I was driving to the airport, I was looking for a place to fill up the rental car before dropping it off. I drove down a street not knowing exactly where I was heading. It took me past the last place I had seen John. To rub salt in the wound, as I was unpacking a box yesterday, I came across his obituary. John is Debbie's brother. He was my first roommate in San Antonio. He's worth an entry all his own here someday. I have a lot of regrets regarding him and I wish he were still alive to talk to about them.
Everything is such a mess. I have a lot of work to do this month before school starts, both at home and at work. I hate when things are in disarray. It eats at me. I like things organized and clean.
A conversation I am having in an email group has me thinking about things I haven't thought about in a while. It's things I really don't like discussing because putting them aside, for now, is the only way I can get past a negative time in my life. However, his arrogance towards others in the group has made me angry and I feel compelled to defend against his arrogance.
I think that's everything. At least, I hope so.