Monday, January 05, 2004

Name that Funk

It can't be done. I tried. I did much editing, took out as many filler words as possible, and this was still a two-parter. AOL is asking for suggestions. Please suggest to them to expand the word limit in journals. I have. Maybe, if enough people suggest the same thing, they'll do something about it. The sooner, the better. (This entry was originally a two-parter that was later combined once the word limit was expanded.)

I'm PMSing.  Sad to say but this is the number one reason I am in a funk. I don't know exactly at what age my body started hating me but I joined the illustrious ranks of other women out there who are hormonally challenged on a monthly basis. Some months are worse then others and followed by horrible cramping, then there are the months where it barely phases me.  I wasn't always like this. It seems with age it has become progressively worse. I could stay on anti-depressants to rectify the mood swings but I don't trust taking chemicals for extended periods of time unless absolutely medically necessary. In addition, just being able to label it has helped even if it takes a day or two for me to label the culprit.  The hormonal shift magnifies my moods but I'd rather deal with them then the side-effects of drugs.

I decided to reflect on the events of last year.  On a daily basis, if you asked me what was going on in my life, I would tell you, not much. I just work and go to school. However, looking at the year as a whole, I realize so much more has occurred. Many wonderful things have occurred, but it is my nature to be more impacted by the disappointments. As such, I mourn them all over again.

Its hard for me to say goodbye.  Even though I was looking forward to getting back home to Los Angeles, which in itself is a first for me, it is hard for me to say goodbye to friends and family.  I miss the people I love terribly and wish they could be part of my life on a daily basis.

I miss a friend of mine who died.  As I was driving to the airport, I was looking for a place to fill up the rental car before dropping it off. I drove down a street not knowing exactly where I was heading. It took me past the last place I had seen John.  To rub salt in the wound, as I was unpacking a box yesterday, I came across his obituary.  John is Debbie's brother. He was my first roommate in San Antonio.  He's worth an entry all his own here someday. I have a lot of regrets regarding him and I wish he were still alive to talk to about them. 

Everything is such a mess. I have a lot of work to do this month before school starts, both at home and at work.  I hate when things are in disarray. It eats at me. I like things organized and clean.

A conversation I am having in an email group has me thinking about things I haven't thought about in a while.  It's things I really don't like discussing because putting them aside, for now, is the only way I can get past a negative time in my life.  However, his arrogance towards others in the group has made me angry and I feel compelled to defend against his arrogance.

I think that's everything. At least, I hope so.


bridgetteleigh75 said...

That character limit bugs the hell out of me too, Robbie. I feel like I've had to screw up some of my best entries because of it. I'll be sure to make a comment to AOL on how to improve the journals. Thanks for the suggestion.


itsjustusinnc said...

Take heart Robbie! That pesky little character limit will be gone some time in February (hopefully in time for my next 21st birthday!). I'm sorry you're in a funk sweetie!:-) Reading on...


z7snowflake said...

Hey girl, I like ur journal, its cool to read ur thoughts, and u have some nice pics to decorate ur journal with, keep up the good work. Check out my journal when u get a change k.

starlitemaker said...

that is the pits when we have character limits, holy crack-a-moley.....I see from Gregg's comment, it will be gone in February...YIPPY

slowmotionlife said...

A LOT of people are in a funk right now, Robbie. I think it has a lot to do with the holidays and New Years and the fact that none of us have gotten proper rest or a chance to clear our heads just yet.

The only advice I know to give: Try to make it an early night a few times this week. Soak in a hot tub. Give up at least ONE responsibility to someone else, if possible. Be good to yourself. :(

metski715 said...

I am also an anti-depressant pill taker. I take my daily dose of effexor everyday at noon. I am bi polar and have no choice but to take the pill. It sucks to take it, but sucks even more to live my life without it. I am one of the lucky ones because the only really side effect I deal with are bad dreams. Id take bad dreams over the sexual side effects any day.

metski715 said...

In response to what you commented on in my journal about me saying very little about myself in my journal, but a whole lot in others.
I have thought about creating another seperate journal to express my thoughts and feelings but I enjoy doing it in others journals. There is a lot that people dont know about me. I dont try to hide anything. Im very open and will discuss any topic. Theres a lot behind the laughter. If youd like to know anything just ask.

viviansullinwank said...

Oh just wait...when you're facing 52 like I am you'll be amazed at what your body does (or doesn't do). Thank you for visting my journal today and leaving me such positive comments. I was very pleased by your encouraging comments. I love your journal and your graphics!!

musenla said...

The good news is AOL will increase the entry limit to 25,000 characters per entry instead of the old 2,500, sometime in february. I for one can't wait.

For years I've denied that it's PMS that gets me in my weepy moods, but it happens like clockwork so much now it's hard to deny it. Men just don't know how lucky they are, grrr. What can I say Robbie, except that it'll pass, just hang in there.

freeepeace said...

Hormonal shifts can intensify everything. So long as you are aware that it's hormonal, perhaps that alone will help. Cuz then you know at some point it will balance out. Hard to remember while 'in it' though. I can relate to it all - and it wasn't always like that for me either. For the longest time, I avoided pain-killers...till I realized ADVIL WORKS!! At the slightest onset: Three Advil, an hour in bed - makes a world of difference. Be gentle with yourself.

krobbie67 said...

Sorry about the friend that died. Leaving is hard. Have a good 2004. john
Comment from dymphna103 - 1/5/04 9:28 AM

krobbie67 said...

Oh missing loved ones is the hardest! And I'm like you! I can't stand for things to be messy around me. It seems like the mess just messes with my mind so to speak. And I can't even think straight until everything's tidy.

Comment from itsjustusinnc - 1/5/04 1:38 PM

krobbie67 said...

So sorry that your friend died, I look forward to read your post one day about him. BTW....I am totally like that when I have my monthlys too. My brain has way too many farts during that time, and I feel so stupid and out of control, but like you I would rather not take any medications, just ride it out and apologise
Comment from starlitemaker - 1/5/04 2:10 PM

krobbie67 said...

I'm sorry about your friend, I think you mentioned him in a previous entry. My my, you certainly have a lot of things going on, physically and mentally. Usually when you feel overwhelmed, it helps to just STOP what you're doing, take a break, relax and process your thoughts and emotions. Whatever they are, it's ok. Acknowledge them and make peace with them, and then move on.
Comment from musenla - 1/5/04 9:19 PM

krobbie67 said...

Hi sweetie, I hear you. I'm sorry about the loss of your friend. I'm here to read, whenever you want to elaborate [on any of this]. With all that's going on, I suggest taking a step back, a deep breath and one moment at a time. Perhaps your interaction with this arrogant person is an opportunity for you to heal some of your own personal emotions. You're doing great - everything is perfectly timed. You're right where you need to be. Trust. xo
Comment from freeepeace - 1/5/04 11:47 PM