Saturday, December 13, 2003

Home Alone - Ahhhh- I think?

It's been almost five years since I've lived alone. Once again, I have my own place. It's mine all mine. If I put something someplace, it stays there. If I put something in the fridge, it will still be there waiting for me. I can decorate however I please. Hey, I can even vacuum the place naked if I want to - woohoo.

I'm pretty exhausted. I wish I could say the move is complete but, I still need to go back to the house and pick up a few items that I ran out of boxes for and didn't want to pay the movers to wait around for me to pack up. Also, I have all these boxes to unpack. Some of these have been in storage for 5 years. It's almost like Christmas to see all that they contain. I have yet to find my silverware. I'm wondering if I had any at all. However, I gave some things to an ex-boyfriend several years ago and don't remember exactly what it was that I gave him.

I think the greatest thing is that I get to unpack my grandmother's dishes and bring them out of hibernation. I don't ever really use them. They're Noritake that are no longer in print. I'm too afraid I'll break something if I use them. Oh, once in a while I make myself a hot cup of tea in one of the pretty little tea cups but that's about it. I just like having them to look at from time to time. There's not much that I have to remind me of my grandmother. The dishes, a decorative barrel that she kept her knitting in, and this little music box that will go off on its own every now and then.

When it does start playing, I always think its her telling me she's around and watching over me. I think out of anyone on this earth, I have loved her most. This brings much guilt because that also means my mother but I can't help what I feel. She died when I was 11. For several years prior to her death, my brother and I spent summers with my grandparents. It was fantastic. Not only did it get me out of the hell hole called my life, but my grandmother loved on me and taught me things that make me who I am today. I probably wouldn't be the domestic I am, if it weren't for her. She taught me to cook, and to bake, to sew, and knit, and crochet. Grandmom, I hope you're proud of the woman that I became.

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