Saturday, November 08, 2003

The Story of Mike - Installment 5

To continue my closure letter to Mike:

You've been back for almost a week and a half. So, the feeling of worry was quickly replaced with deep feelings of hurt due to the fact that since coming back you haven't had the decency to call and let me know. What hurt most about you not calling is that you couldn't possibly know that I know you're back. Which leads me to believe that you are so cold-hearted that you would allow me to continue for however long worrying about you being in Iraq, and writing and sending you stuff. Eventually, I might even believe the worst - that you had died. Not knowing your family, I would never dream of contacting them to find out what happened and probably wonder the rest of my life what did happen.

But, I do know that you are back. I was actually quite happy and excited for a couple of days. I didn't expect to hear from you on Saturday, maybe not even on Sunday. On Monday, I justified why I might not hear from you but Tuesday, I faced reality and realized I won't hear from you ever again.

I don't think this letter will change the situation. Why write it then, you ask? I'm not sure. I've battled my pride that last couple of days trying to decide whether I should or not. I guess I'm hoping it will provide me some kind of closure. And, part of me thinks you should face the consequences of your actions, to a certain degree. What are those consequesences? - that you have deeply hurt my feelings. But, then I think maybe how I feel doesn't mean shit to you.

Yet, it could have been avoided just by one phone call. That's it! Believe it, or not, I would have been quite understanding if you told me - hey I'm back but I've decided to give Jeannie another chance and I don't think we can see each other again, or ever be friends - or, whatever.

I'm saddened because I will miss you. I've grown accustomed to writing you and now I don't have the ride along PCH to look forward to. Also, I am saddened that things couldn't have worked out for us to some degree because I really believed you were a guy of strong character and an overall decent human being. Although, your actions lately would clearly suggest otherwise. It's your actions, or should I say lack thereof, that are so wrong, and that's what hurts so deeply. The absolute lack of consideration for my feelings and in such an abominably cruel way.

Well, that's it for tonight. I guess this letter will have to be a three parter. I am so long-winded. Why can't I ever get to the point! Maybe tomorrow. I have a coffee date though and I'm going apartment hunting. Woopee.

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