I really don't feel all that motivated anymore to write about Mike. My plan was to go through the letters and messages here so I could tell the story of not only him but me. I want to figure out why things like this happen to me. I plan on shredding his letters as I share them here. I don't want to have the reminder of him lingering around for me to wallow over. I've even gotten past the need to send him THE email. I want to just let it all go. If he called me tomorrow, I would listen but that's it. I don't want him in my life any more. I don't even want him as a friend. I can't imagine anything he could say that would justify his ending things this way. So I'll start now where I finished off in my last entry.
How are things back in Cali? I miss home so much. I only had a few months back when I ripped away from it again to come out to this bullshit. It's all over now, but this PX shit is going a little too far. All these commanders don't want us to leave so that all their Marines can have their cookies and sodas and shit. To make matters worse, the damn Army is here and we're servicing more of them then our own guys! It shouldn't be that way. There are a lot of little Army girls running around now tho! It's a nice break to see a female every now and then other than all these stinky dirty ass guys! Too bad you weren't still in. [I was in the Army years ago. I went in right after high school when I was 17 and got out when I was 20.]
I got my own room out here now and with no electricity the lights are always out and I could show you a few Marine maneuvers if you know what I mean? Ha Ha. [It's funny that Mike wrote this because I had just sent him a card that I had found at the store that said something about showing me his military maneuvers. I had crossed out military and wrote in Marine. He couldn't have received it yet when he sent this letter.] Well I gotta get for now. Very sleepy. Thank you so much for all you've written and sent me. It keeps my spirits high and hopeful that someday I will be home soon. That's all I think about now Robbi. Take care of yourself and I will see you soon. Mike.
That's it. Those were the last words that I heard from Mike. When I found out he was heading home, I was so excited. I couldn't sleep. The day he arrived was a Saturday. I didn't leave the house that weekend. I checked my email probably every hour on the hour. I carried my phone with me around the house. I didn't want to miss his call that I thought would come on Sunday, at the latest. It never came. When Monday came and he hadn't called yet, I went to work and called home every two hours to see if there was a message. Nothing! Tuesday came and my excitement was beginning to turn into doubt. I thought surely there was no reason he couldn't have called by then. Nothing! The days passed by so slowly and my heart sank with each passing minute. By week's end, I knew I wouldn't hear from him again. A few more days passed by and that's when I decided to send him a letter. I needed closure even if he wouldn't give it to me. So on the 12th of August, I began a letter to him and here I will begin:
Dear Mike, I apologize if sending a letter to your dad's address causes any problems. I'm even more sorry if doing so makes me look like a psycho, but I don't have many options. I didn't think sending a letter to Virginia would be appropriate, even though that's probably where you are at, or heading to soon. I heard a news blip when I walked in the door from work tonight. It said something about a soldier killed in Iraq. For a split second, I paused and braced myself to hear the rest of the story, in case they said it was a Marine. But, it was only a split second because I then reminded myself that it couldn't possibly be you.
I'll have to pause here for now. But, I'll try to pick up tonight where I have left off. Do you hear the shredder whirling?