Mirror, mirror on the wall...

Who has got the fattest ass of them all?

About a week ago I broke down and bought new underwear because mine would no longer stay up, not because they were raggedy, old, and stretched out but because I had lost so much weight this past year that they were just simply too big. Two sizes too big! I don't think I ever had that happen before.

I felt great! I felt like I had made a significant improvement to my physical health. I don’t know how much exactly I’ve lost because I waited to weigh myself for a couple of months after I had already started losing weight. It seems like a strange thing to do but I was at my heaviest weight ever and I knew if I got on the scale it would thoroughly depress me and potentially thwart my efforts. Knowing how much I’ve lost since I started weighing myself, I estimate the total weight loss though is about fifty to sixty pounds all together.

I still have quite a way to go to reach my ideal weight. Of course, my ideal weight is what I weighed when I was twenty-five years old. Is it possible to return after seventeen years of aging and metabolism slowdown to a size eight? I don’t know but I figure a slow and steady turtle to the finish line is what will win the long term race. I am making lifestyle choices with hopes that this will be a long term accomplishment. All of my clothes are too big for me. I’ve been feeling pretty good about myself, maybe even a little smug.

Then an invitation to a wedding arrived. I decided I needed a new dress since none of my clothes fit and I gave away all of my thinner clothes. I went to Macy’s. I pulled several dresses off the racks and trudged into the dressing room. I hate trying on clothes at department stores. I usually know my size well enough that I just take everything off the rack and go home. But, since I haven’t bought anything since losing weight I really don’t know where my size is falling. So into the dressing room I went only to face the most evil of man’s inventions. The three-way mirror accompanied by fluorescent lighting! You could hear the wails and gnashing of teeth for miles I am sure. I just don’t get why these stores haven’t figured out that a Funhouse Mirror, the kind that stretches you out and makes you look thin, would serve their bottom line, and mine, better than the horror of seeing yourself from every angle possible. Thankfully, I found mercy via Calvin Klein’s rendition of a black tent to cover my horrendous posterior and I also found motivation to keep on with my weight loss regimen. Hmmm...maybe I should get one of those mirrors for the breakroom at work where the other evil invention of man exists in the form of donuts, cakes, cookies, and chocolates.

*** Picture is of a Botero sculpture at the Bowers Museum.