Thursday, September 16, 2004

Give it to me like I'm a man

When I went to visit my brother in Illinois and then later in the week Mumsy in Southern Illinois, both had emailed me directions to their respective homes. I really didn't have time to study either of them and just printed up the emails to take with me. After picking up my rental car, I pulled out the directions that my brother sent me and this is what I had to follow:

Take I-201 south out of O'Hara
You will get on Interstate 15 (tollway) and head west
Stay on this until exit 94 --- this is actually 2nd Greenville exit
Get off at exit 94
Turn right at end of off ramp and now you are heading south on Route 15
Will go through town and turn right at 5th light
A Wendy's will be on your left side at the light
If you go across river you went too far
You will go exactly two miles and will turn right on to Dexter Road
Will be a Catholic Church on your left as you turn
When you go past 7-11 Store you are getting closer to Dexter Rd
If you see Limestone High School --- Home of the Panthers you missed turn
Will take second left you can take on to Harmony Road
Follow road to end and turn right --- our house is 5th house on left

When I arrived at my brother's, he asked if I had any problems following the directions. I laughed and told him he gave me directions like I am a woman. I didn't have problems with the accuracy but I kept having to pull over so I could read through all the landmark crap to figure out where I had to turn. I told him when it comes to directions that you have to give them to me like I am a man - just the facts please.

When the day arrived for me to head south to Mumsy's, Chris asked if I needed directions. I told him that Mumsy emailed some to me but they started at Route 16. He said he would give me directions to there. I was leery and accepted a map to take along also. I got into the car and pulled out the directions that Chris provided. This is what they looked like:

92 South
40 North
33 East
16 South

They were perfect and easy to follow. Then I pulled out Mumsy's directions. This is what I had to contend with:

You'll both be entering Newport on Rte 16 --
Robbie - take the rte 23 exit east (to Dexter) -- then 5 miles down the road, take the Newport exit #222, then left on Corinna St (2nd light after light at ramp). Follow until it ends (crossing Water St./Rte 51. (see bold below)
Robin - I'm thinkin' the easiest way-- not the most scenic, and not the shortest, but the least likely to confuse--is to go through town to rte 43 Canaan St. (we bumpkins pronounce that "Can-Ann," btw!) turn left (west), and when the road starts to fork, keep right. The road then becomes Water St. You'll travel down that for a couple of lights. Turn left on Corinna St. At stop sign, turn right at the top of the hill turn left onto West Rd. take a quick right turn into our longish, unpaved driveway. There's a rural mailbox with a cow and 3 bells on it that says "Mumsy." Unload the lemon squares. Holler Mumsy. Naw, we have a doorbell.

Following Mumsy's directions, I had to turn around twice and Robin got lost. Once again, I am proof that environment overrides biology. The strongest influence in my life growing up were of the male persuasion - my three brothers. As such, my emotions and intellect tend to be more similar to that of what scientists tend to attribute to the male species. So, next time, please give it to me like I'm a man.

Disclaimer: Pictures are unrelated to entry. Well, not entirely. They were taken in my brother's backyard. Also, if you attempt to follow these directions with the hope of landing on the doorstep of my brother or Mumsy - Good Luck! Not only are they difficult to follow, but I changed all the pertinent information to that which I pulled off of a map of Maine. So, you might just find yourself in Canada.


robbush6 said...

Krobbie, (pronounced KAY-robbie), to be fair to poor Mumsy, I fear my getting lost had more to do with my brush with disaster when I almost killed a man on a bicycle. Even on a good day, I have trouble finding my way out of a paper sack. We bumpkins from southern Illinois call that, "Paper Sack."

I tell you, Destiny had a hand in the whole affair.

judithheartsong said...

aaaaaahhhahahahahahaahaaaaaaaa! I'm with you Robbie!

merelyp said...

I'm glad you cleared that up, Robin!  I thought Robbie was calling you girlie.
I already took the rap for these snafus, did I not?  Cheesh!  I am not known for my navigation skills.  What can I say?  Neat-o pictures!

sistercdr said...

I'll take it like a man as well, give it to me short, sweet and simple.

reader1224 said...

I like this entry.  My daughter in law was visiting  recently and had to go to the nearest airport.  I'll skip the reasons she was traveling by herself.  Point is, she had 2 pages of directions from MapQuest.  I gave her my version. Leave our house , at the traffic light , make a right, drive for about 45 mins and you will see the airport sign, make a right onto exit ramp and airport is straight ahead. Short version , Go to light , make 2 right turns, follow signs into airport. We had a good laugh and she got there.

karensull12 said...

Hysterical.  I have to have directions written down and precise.  I don't mind driving anywhere if I've got clear directions, but even when I do have clear instructions, I manage to make one or two wrong turns along the way.  During those wrong turns I am like a woman possessed.  There's all kinds of screaming and yelling going on (just ask my kids).  I start yelling stuff about how I'm in the middle of nowhere and hav no idea how I will ever get us to our destination.  It's very dramatic, that's for sure!

plieck30 said...

I thought men drove around in circles without asking directions. Paula

mlraminiak said...

I knew right away (almost) you had changed the names of the streets.  I'm thinking, "O'Hare...I-XXX...hey, what the hell is this? Oh, yeah, she'd put the REAL directions on the internet."  You don't have to hit ME over the head with a baseball bat...!  Lisa  :-]

barebytes said...

Give it to you like a man? Men use landmarks and for that matter, usually don't know an address, just where it is.  So I think your bother did give it to you like a man. hahaha Hugs Lanny

st0rmwhispers said...

I once became lost 3 blocks from home, in my defense I had only lived in this particular home a few months and it was on a side of town I was unfamiliar with.  I, of course, knew I needed to call somebody...I was so lost and confused I could have been anywhere.  So I called my then husband and he wasn't I left a message...""Honey I am lost....please come show me the way home...I'm at 7-11"  that was a lot of help...there are about 25 7-11's in town and he had to go to 4 of them before he found me....Give me directions like a girl....or better yet draw me a picture.

ladydriversammie said...

ROFL!  You're my kind of girl Robbie.  If you think those were fun you should hear some of the directions I get for shippers and receivers.  I'm really not sure how some of the people who give me directions find their way to work in the morning!  I've been sent down dead end streets, under low bridges, and one guy in Salt Lake City told me all the streets to turn on, but it turned out all the streets he gave me ran parallel.  Now how the heck am I supposed to get from one to the other if they never cross?  Sheesh.

I like you brother's directions...both sets, lol.  The first time he was obviously trying very hard to make sure sis didn't get lost...and the second he definitely took you at your word.  Simple!

Sammie  :)

slowmotionlife said...

LOL.. OK, I admit it... I take it like a woman.  Landmarks, please!  LOL  And that's how I give directions too.  Street? What's a street???  Just turn by Whataburger!!  LOL

Glad you got there OK!!  :D

readmereadyou said...

I'm the make a right turn at the Burger King kind of person! It's easier than trying to read the darn signs. ; )

alphawoman1 said...

Mumsy must be part Irish. The only part she missed was " the pile of rocks in the shape of a temple turn towards old man O'Brian's house"!

lamove04 said...

Well, it figures I'd prefer the girl directions!  The more irrelevant info the better.  There's actually a corresponding personality type to this on the Myers-Briggs personality test-- If I remember correctly t's judging vs. perceiving-- judging is taking in the cold hard facts and percieving is taking in all the extra ephemera all around you and keeping all your options open, going with the flow.  I'm HEAVILY perceiving. --Albert

freeepeace said...

ROFL at you changing all the info from a map of Maine.  You're a riot.  And those girly directions would drive me batty.  Can't read and drive.  I love your brother's 2nd set of directions.  Excellent!

Living in LA, it's imperative that we know street names and direction.  If I said, "Go past Conroy's, make a left at 7-Eleven, turn right at the 76 Station and Starbucks will be at the end of the block"  you could be ANYWHERE in this city, and those directions are likely to work.

Hmm, thinking about it... I'm headed to MA in a couple of weeks.  And I can't think of one street sign [aside from my childhood one].  But I can tell you how to get from the lake to the high school.