I’ve seen a lot in my relatively short lifetime. Some of what I have experienced has been bad, but I try to keep it in perspective because it could have been much worse. I used to study the Bible with women and as a result I have heard some atrocious life stories. Sadly, I don’t think one of those women had a story that didn’t include some kind of abuse whether it was physical, sexual, or mental, or a combination of those abuses. What I have experienced, or what I have heard from others about their harrowing experiences, could easily turn me into a bitter cynic. But, I fight it hard. The only thing that I know for sure is this life that I am living. As such, I choose to make each day the best that I can with what ability I have to do so, by taking responsibility for every thought and action. I can choose to be a positive light in this world or a negative one. I can choose to see the world in a positive light or a negative one. It’s all up to me. Some days it is harder than others. The past few days it has been fighting the good fight with my spirit. But, I refuse to allow it to be the victor. I will conquer what has been plaguing my thoughts and part of the battle for victory starts by putting my thoughts and words down on paper, cyber paper that is. The second part of the battle is always the most difficult, acting on it by putting my thoughts and words into action. Sometimes just the writing about it is action enough.
Last week, I watched the movie “Life as a House.” It’s one of those movies that makes me evaluate my own life, take stock of who I am and what I believe and want from life. The premise of the movie is that this man only has several months to live. He chooses to use the remainder of his life by building a house. (That’s all I’ll give on the storyline so as to not ruin it for those who haven’t seen it yet.)
Every now and then I try to take stock of my life in terms of whether I only had a few months to live. It sounds morbid but it’s actually a great way to live because we never know how much time that we have on this earth. By viewing life with the realization that death is upon us, puts a lot of things in perspective. The one pervading thought I had as I watched the movie is that I would want to be in a loving, romantic relationship. I realize it’s a bit selfish on my part, to love someone, only to leave them. But, to me, relationships, whether romantic or platonic, are the bubbles in the champagne of life. They bring effervescence to life that a person wouldn’t experience otherwise. Of course, there is always the negative side to relationships just like the bubbles of champagne. Have you ever inhaled a few of those bubbles as they explode in your nose? At best, it is a little irritating. At its worst, it is down-right painful. The same can be said for our interactions with people. I have had people come in to my life who have brought a texture and joy to my life that makes me feel richer than the wealthiest king. I have also had the misfortune to have experienced the bubbles bursting in my nose. I’ve had minor irritations and extremely painful experiences too. Unfortunately, the minor irritations sometimes trigger memories of the more painful experiences. That’s where I find myself today, a minor irritation that has set off memories of the more painful experiences which then leads me to think about one of the few regrets I have in life. Yes, in spite of the bad experiences. There is very little in my life that I regret because I believe all of it occurs for a reason. I wouldn’t be the whole pie if it weren’t for all of the ingredients. In order to make an apple pie, some times you have to cut out the bad pieces of an apple in order to have enough to make a pie, but the bad apples still played their part in the making of the pie.
I was going to write about the regret but I think I’ll leave it for later. This entry probably will only make sense to me but it is long enough for now. I need to work on building my house. Let's just hope that it's not a sand castle in the sky.