Saturday, August 21, 2004

Life as a House

I’ve seen a lot in my relatively short lifetime.  Some of what I have experienced has been bad, but I try to keep it in perspective because it could have been much worse.  I used to study the Bible with women and as a result I have heard some atrocious life stories.  Sadly, I don’t think one of those women had a story that didn’t include some kind of abuse whether it was physical, sexual, or mental, or a combination of those abuses. What I have experienced, or what I have heard from others about their harrowing experiences, could easily turn me into a bitter cynic.  But, I fight it hard.  The only thing that I know for sure is this life that I am living. As such, I choose to make each day the best that I can with what ability I have to do so, by taking responsibility for every thought and action.  I can choose to be a positive light in this world or a negative one.  I can choose to see the world in a positive light or a negative one.  It’s all up to me.  Some days it is harder than others.  The past few days it has been fighting the good fight with my spirit.  But, I refuse to allow it to be the victor.  I will conquer what has been plaguing my thoughts and part of the battle for victory starts by putting my thoughts and words down on paper, cyber paper that is.  The second part of the battle is always the most difficult, acting on it by putting my thoughts and words into action.  Sometimes just the writing about it is action enough.

 

Last week, I watched the movie “Life as a House.” It’s one of those movies that makes me evaluate my own life, take stock of who I am and what I believe and want from life. The premise of the movie is that this man only has several months to live.  He chooses to use the remainder of his life by building a house. (That’s all I’ll give on the storyline so as to not ruin it for those who haven’t seen it yet.)

 

Every now and then I try to take stock of my life in terms of whether I only had a few months to live.  It sounds morbid but it’s actually a great way to live because we never know how much time that we have on this earth.  By viewing life with the realization that death is upon us, puts a lot of things in perspective.  The one pervading thought I had as I watched the movie is that I would want to be in a loving, romantic relationship.  I realize it’s a bit selfish on my part, to love someone, only to leave them.  But, to me, relationships, whether romantic or platonic, are the bubbles in the champagne of life.  They bring effervescence to life that a person wouldn’t experience otherwise.  Of course, there is always the negative side to relationships just like the bubbles of champagne.  Have you ever inhaled a few of those bubbles as they explode in your nose? At best, it is a little irritating.  At its worst, it is down-right painful.  The same can be said for our interactions with people.  I have had people come in to my life who have brought a texture and joy to my life that makes me feel richer than the wealthiest king.  I have also had the misfortune to have experienced the bubbles bursting in my nose.  I’ve had minor irritations and extremely painful experiences too.  Unfortunately, the minor irritations sometimes trigger memories of the more painful experiences.  That’s where I find myself today, a minor irritation that has set off memories of the more painful experiences which then leads me to think about one of the few regrets I have in life.  Yes, in spite of the bad experiences.  There is very little in my life that I regret because I believe all of it occurs for a reason.  I wouldn’t be the whole pie if it weren’t for all of the ingredients.  In order to make an apple pie, some times you have to cut out the bad pieces of an apple in order to have enough to make a pie, but the bad apples still played their part in the making of the pie.

 

I was going to write about the regret but I think I’ll leave it for later. This entry probably will only make sense to me but it is long enough for now.  I need to work on building my house. Let's just hope that it's not a sand castle in the sky.

14 comments:

captgray2000 said...

Great rumination!  I'm going to borrow the apple pie idea for my journal especially since I have been meaning to make an apple pie all week and I am sure there are rotten pieces in them.

sistercdr said...

It makes more sense than you realize.  {{{{{{Hugs.}}}}}}

donah42 said...

I believe in you, Robbie! You are introspective and wise, and I know you will get everything you yearn for. I look forward to seeing it all take place!

thesheatons said...

Have you seen "Shadowlands'? The film is based on a play by the same name. It follows the relationship between C. S. Lewis and an America writer, Joy Gresham. Friendship becomes love, and when she dies of cancer, loss. But, she keeps telling him the price for the happiness now is the loss to come. She thinks it's worth it and eventually so does he. If you don't open yourself to love you won't get hurt, at least not as badly-but, oh what you'll miss.

thesheatons said...

Ok, i'll admit that I hadn't read all the way through when I posted my first comment. The remark about the apples reminded me of a story my dad used to tell. He grew up in the Newburg area of Oregon and everybody had apple trees. Every fall in grade grade school and junior high the kids would make apple cider. The teachers would be sure to tell them not to include the wormy apples...........I leave the rest to your imagination. He said the cider always tasted really good, though. :-)

karensull12 said...

I love that movie you speak of.  I really hope that you find someone worthy of you.  In this great, big world, there is someone just for you.  Keep looking.  Keep your heart open...

ebrains2003 said...

Robbie,

It is so good that you are keeping a positive attitude and not letting bitterness take over.  People who fall into that trap often find themselves living a self-defeating life.  They are bitter because they lack something, such as a romantic relationship.  But it is that bitterness that may be keeping them from being in such a relationship.  After all, very few people find bitterness to be an attractive peronality trait.  We all struggle with bitterness, depression or loneliness (or all of the above) at some time or another.  These are things we must work through.  Your optimistic attitude will serve you well - please don't ever lose it!

Joe

slowmotionlife said...

I'll be re-catching up with my journal reading soon, but I wanted to pop in and wish you a very Happy AOL-J Anniversary tonight!!  Love you!!!  

readmereadyou said...

You know that saying "Better to have loved and lost etc"
Bull IMO

Angela

readmereadyou said...

Forgot to say.....I love the way you wrote this...It's 2AM and I'm tired from watching three kids all day!
: )

mlraminiak said...

Robbie, I'm sorry to hear that some old ghosts are bothering you.  A good way to look at it though, that you are the sum of ALL that's happened to you, and that you wouldn't be YOU without the good AND the bad.  A relationship would be nice...but you can't exactly order one up!  No advice from me on that one...I'd be the LAST person to ask! Lisa  :-]

txsguinan said...

Here's what I think:  Life is a journey that we undertake without knowing where we are going or how long we will have to get there.  We pick up companions along the way; they come and go, for they are on their own journeys as well, & may take different paths.  Some will impede our progress, others will make our burden lighter; we will do the same by them; we should strive for the latter.  Some will travel with us briefly, some longer, and if we're very fortunate and wise, one or two will complete our sojourn with us.  Guilt is wasted energy, but regrets; if we are human we will bear them.  We will all learn from each other.

(Whew!  What a windbag. Must be the champagne talking... ;)  

deabvt said...

Robbie, very moving.
Thanks,
V

merelyp said...

No way you would build a sand castle in the sky--nor near the tideline.  I find you purposeful and full of heart.  Sometimes there is rain.  It washes away the dust... reveals a petal, a turret of a castle, a new perspective on an old memory.
It's all good.