Saturday, July 03, 2004

Clearing the Cob Webs

Scremo (aka: Screaminremo) has double dog dared us to show our stuff. He took a snapshot of his yearbook but since mine is buried in some closet somewhere I thought I'd just scan the pics from my senior photo shoot. The scan didn't turn out so well but I'm not in the mood for playing with my editing software to make them look right. I think you'll get the jist anyhow. They are old!

(Tell me Remo. Do I still look like a Carney? ;-p)

These photos are twenty years old to be exact. They were taken when I was sixteen and about to begin my senior year of high school. It's hard to believe. It seems so much life has occurred since they were taken. Yet, I feel like I have only blinked my eyes and it has all passed by in an instant.

The one thing I have learned in these past twenty years is that in spite of all of its challenges, life and the living of it, is a splendid thing. I live my life from a place of gratitude. And, being in a funk like I have been lately makes me feel very ungrateful for all of my blessings. This only compounds my funk because by being in a funk I feel like I am not being grateful for all the good fortune that has been bestowed upon me.

Gretchen (aka: ggal) has an entry listing all the blessings that she has in her life right now. It made me realize I have been allowing myself to be focused on all that I see wrong instead of all that I see right in this world. I think it also helped me see that I'm not as tough of a turd (aka: bitch) as I'd like to think that I am. I know it's hard to believe and ::::gulp:::: even admit but I can be a pretty sensitive person. If  I see someone else hurting, I internalize it and make it my own.

I think with all the various troubles facing those around J-Land and some that I am experiencing amongst people I know in the real world, I have allowed it to bring me down and forget all the wonder in my life that I have to be grateful for. I forget how far I have come.

When these pictures were taken, I was facing an uncertain future. Yet, my biggest worry was if my hair looked good for this photo (I had cut it myself -aack) and what boy liked me or didn't. Since then I have managed to do so many things and meet so many wonderful people that I can't imagine my life winding up any differently. Sure, it's had its challenges but I wouldn't give up one of them because in doing so I would have to give up a part of me. You might as well ask me to cut off my right arm. It would be less painful.

"The only limitations [you] have are the ones that [you] accept."
                                    ~ ~ Lester Levenson ~ ~

21 comments:

bhpcr said...

What a pretty girl you were (are). Yep..even the bad stuff is a blessing if we learn from it ...Sometimes the good stuff isn't ..Life's funny that way. ~Barbara

geminiwilder said...

Nice photos!  You have two of the most beautiful, big, soulful, dark eyes ever seen!  I am sure I had this EXACT same hairstyle 20 years ago too!  I could show you pictures!  

These are great, Robbie!  Thank you for sharing and accepting the D D Dare!

Phinney

donah42 said...

You look very innocent & soulful...

screaminremo303 said...

Since you played along and made such a nice entry, I will only say you were quite the innocent. And quite the little vixen, too! How could any young man have ever treated you badly? Those eyes could melt an iceberg.

sistercdr said...

What a wonderful entry! The self-knowledge and self-acceptance you have is so admirable.  

karensull12 said...

Oh, Robbie....you are so, so, so adorable!!!!!  And brave.

ggal3133 said...

Great photos and entry!
Sometimes all you need to do is sit back, take a minute to see what you have in your life to make you feel alittle better. Glad I could help alittle :)

quroboros said...

NWIH would I do this, not even on a double-dog dare.  (Besides, my old photos might break the TOS for 'profane & inappropriate material.')  However, I greatly admire your ability for introspect.  Very sincere entry.  ¤Holly

plieck30 said...

You look so young and innocent in the pictures. You were and still are a pretty woman. Paula

indigosunmoon said...

Wow...isnt it amazing how we change over the years, and yet basically stay the same?  I loved this entry Robbie!
I gotta go read Remo's journal now and see about this dare!  lol
-Connie

lisbnjvi said...

Great pics Robbie!  And, I had the very same haircut back then!  Had to "feather" just right or your day wasn't going to go very well.  To think, we all had modified "mullets", AAAGGHH!  I look back at my life when I was about to graduate high school and realize that I am happy I am where I am right now.  I would not want to go back if I could.  Back then I was selfish, vain, and many other things that I am not anymore.  We have all come a long way and should be proud of our accomplishments, especially the ones our soul has undertaken.
Hugs and love, Lisa

mlraminiak said...

My god, Robbie, in that last photo, you look about twelve!  IF I could dig out one of my graduation pictures, everyone could see what a good little hippie I was!  
Sorry you've been in a funk...  it's good this entry got you to thinking about your blessings.  Lisa  :-]  

somenuttychic said...

I know what you mean about taking on the feelings of others in J-Land and internalizing them. That happens to me all the time. And since J-Land is a great place to vent about unhappiness, sometimes, it can get overwhelming.

Love those HS pics! Wow -- very 1980's. You remind me more of the woman from flash dance in those pics than of the one from Wilson Phillips.

lamove04 said...

lol about the "feathering" comment... it's funny, Robbie-- what I see is a pretty young girl with huge eyes, who is experiencing some sadness, especially in the last photo... is this my imagination?  You are brave to put these up, I'm not sure I'd want to put mine on display--I went through an extremely awkward puberty... I hope you feel better soon!!!  love, Albert

judithheartsong said...

great pictures.... thanks so much for sharing, judi

goldenchildnc said...

Oh MY! Well I might be inclined to take him up on this dare! LOL! Very fun! Yes! And you look lovely as always dear! And I must say that I wasn't sure exactly what the B2BI graphic would look like in blue tones but it's masterful!!! Very nice! :-)

viviansullinwank said...

{{{{{Robbie}}}}}  Thanks for putting the torch in your sidebar...it looks like it was tailor made for it! I appreciate you helping to light the way to the AOL Journals 1st Anniversary Celebration!  Hope you had a good 4th of July!

slowmotionlife said...

What a great entry!!  You were obviously so young in these photos - how you've grown!  I think it's easy to get bound down by all that's wrong in our lives, and by the negativity we find surrounding us, but it's good to stop from time to time and reflect on all the blessings in our life.  Because somewhere, there's always someone worse off than us.  You're a beautiful person, Robbie.  :)

musenla said...

Aww, wonderful photos.  You look adorable, with those big brown eyes.  

High school seems so long ago to me.  I'm still thinking of posting my own high school graduation photo because I hate the dress I wore (we wore a dress, not a toga) and it's the hokiest thing I've ever seen, ugh.

Life is difficult, but we are blessed in so many ways, thank goodness.  I'm sure you are, too.  =P

babyshark28 said...

awww. look at you!  so cute.  looks like the 80's, lol.   I don't even know where any senior pics are of me...well, my mom has one.  but, she's too far away.  And my senior annual...don't know where that is either. :p  oh, well.  I am enjoying yours anyway.  thanks for sharing them. :)

alphawoman1 said...

You are so cute!